I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
