I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
