is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
