toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
