taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
