they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
