This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
