I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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