I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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