doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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