I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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