he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
