My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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