she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
