So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Terrible idea I love it
I had to cum in my sink.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
