Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
