she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
