hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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