dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
