its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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