I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
