I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
