I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
