The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
