singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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