shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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