Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
