i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
