haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
