If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
