she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
