Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
