Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
