Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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