i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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