I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
