honey bunches of taint.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
