And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
