Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
