I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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