Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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