yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
