god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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