you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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