I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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