I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Randomize
