dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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