I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
