ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
