i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
