he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My dick has a subreddit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we're so committed to being not committed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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