Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
